the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
