You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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