i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
