not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
