I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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