i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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