You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
