Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
