What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
