Im at strip club and am horny
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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