There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Fuck appropriateness.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
