WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
