I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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