Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What a fucking waste of an outfit
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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