I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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