So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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