The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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