i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
