I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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