I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
