he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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