I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize