youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
