I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
