He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
