had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
