8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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