Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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