I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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