You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
