Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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