my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
