Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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