i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
zippers are such a cool invention
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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