we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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