yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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