I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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