Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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