You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
