Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
