Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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