Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
