I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I checked into jail on foursquare
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
