Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
