Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
