Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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