he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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