His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
