so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
