If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
