Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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