I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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