In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
